HANDLING my epilepsy
In the Easter holidays of 2008, after two seizures, I was taken with an ambulance to the Mater Dei hospital in the emergency section. I did not know what was going on, I felt that I was being controlled by the people. I do not remember what happened exactly in hospital since I went through a lot of tests but something struck me when I left. "Will I be diagnosed with this for the rest of my life?"
The feeling of being unable to control your body REALLY scares me and so I decided to take action. I had to avoid stress and anxiety, avoid alcohol, eat well, sleep well and live a healthy lifestyle. This was obviously easier said than done but I tried.
When I still got frequent seizures I knew I had to take serious action and overcome this obstacle. I thought of what mainly caused my seizures and stress was one of the main factors.
Fast-forward to 2016, Fine Arts Second Year. My first day, I felt the usual stress taking over me. I knew from past experience that I had to stop, breathe and remain calm whenever I felt that a seizure was going to over-take my body. When I had the aura about two days ago (aura is the warning sign that an epileptic fit is going to start) after my friend controlled me and kept me "in reality" and telling me, "don't let it take over, you can win this!" I did, I did not get a seizure but I still had the thought of me not being fit-free which even today whilst I'm writing this log, scares me a lot to know that after all that work and time management I did to STOP the fits, which I managed for a whole year, I still know that I can never be free of these seizures.
Can I control them? Yes and I am. Can I get rid of them once and for all? No, if I stop my medications they might be as bad as they were four years ago.
I did a huge improvement in controlling them even the doctor told me I was doing a great job at handling them but the thought that I will never be free is so sad that it makes me mad at myself.
I can tackle the situation and I have to if I want to be my own boss and not let this epilepsy take over. Friends and family help me out a lot, even the teachers and administration at MCAST helped me.
This log was very emotional for me to write but I think this is one of the most complex and tiresome obstacle that I have faced and will continue facing in the future.